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    Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
    Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

    Tuesday, September 8, 2015



    Those that have lost someone you feel for them. Genuine feel for them, but you have no idea how to express it. You feel that saying something is presumptuous or intrusive. You try to be supportive or at least give the appearance of such. How do you know how much or to little to give?


    You like posts, you say names, you remember things (and say them out loud to the closest to them), you can't stop thinking about every moment you had with them. You know how it feels. So you give and give until you have no more to give those that have lost. People you meet through the loss of a love one (which is a total thing) you try to find out more and more about the loss. It's a compulsion. You can't help yourself. You want to know the story, not exactly for yourself but for those left behind. It's a tie that binds us.

    Cancer, accident, disease, natural, drugs, end of life. We are all connected. If you are not it's ok, but the one thing to remember is we are not contagious, beyond help, or don't want to hear anything, everything, something that you have about our loved one. Enough is said about what we don't want to hear, but understand that we want to hear what you feel, remember or know about our loved one. These are all we have left and we hang on to every word, crazy story or thought. Not one single day goes by that I don't think about my brother. I constantly battle with the fact that this is real. I will never hear his voice, feel his hug or see who he will become, but I still have the chance to know him through you. He was many different things to many different people. That is what made him so special. Don't ever hesitate to share this with us. We may cry, but through the tears we smile.

    Thursday, March 5, 2015


    Grief. It's a funny thing. Part of you wants to walk around with a sign saying, "My brother is no longer here and I am fucking devastated." And the other part says, if I don't say anything I won't have to explain why a young, loving, good, beautiful boy is no longer here.

    See that's the trick. Why isn't he here? Stupid decisions? A last minute idea gone wrong? How do you explain he is gone without having him be defined by the last bad decision he made? He can't be defined by that. He was more then that. He was someone that always did well by his three sisters, that may not have returned the favor as often as they should. He was a good son that rarely complained about being the only boy, that had a lot on his shoulders, most of which we never even knew. He was a good friend, shown by the astounding turn out by them at his memorial held in a Catholic Church that probably had most of them cringing at the door. He was a loving boyfriend that had a great girlfriend who he had his last great adventure with. He tried to do well by all of us. How do you explain that to those who never knew him?

    You don't.

    You just keep that in your heart. In the place that counts.

    He wasn't perfect. He made stupid decisions. He put himself in situations that he shouldn't have. But didn't you at one point? Don't you still today? The difference is that you and I made/make it past those mistakes intact. He didn't. Would you want your life to be defined by the last worse decision you made? No and neither should he.

    He was a sweet, loving and caring human being and I hope that I can show at least a 10th of the amazing forgiveness and understanding that he had for anyone and everyone he came across. We should all strive to have that piece within ourselves.  
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